For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (13-16)
Yesterday we found out via an ultrasound that our ten week old baby no longer has a heart beat. Over the next week or two, our pregnancy will be ending.
I was so encouraged by Psalm 103 this morning.
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer. (15-16)
I've been reminded as never before of the mortality of our lives. At first I prayed, "Oh God, make this pass quickly!" because until it does, I'm reminded relentlessly in a very visual way of death and the ugliness of it. But there must be some value to that, because King David prayed in Psalm 39:
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere hand breadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." (4-6)
Our life is a nothing compared to eternity. A mere poof and its gone. If the Psalms ended there, we could all leave discouraged and hopeless. But praise God through Jesus and His death for me, there is hope. Psalm 39 continues:
And Psalm 103 continues:
everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him... (17a)
I have a hope for an everlasting future! An eternal home, free from worry, sin, and death. I can sing loudly at the top of my lugs from my kitchen with this FFH song on repeat, "One day I'll see you coming back for me and all together we'll fly away. One day I'll hear the trumpet loud and clear and all together we'll fly away! Oh how I long for the day when we'll fly away!"
But if the only hope God gave us was in Heaven, how discouraging life would be now!! However, earlier in Psalm 103 he says:
Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle. (2-5)
In one single Psalm, David laments our mortal life, is encouraged with the hope of everlasting life, yet expresses thanks for the blessings of God to sustain us now. Praise the Lord!
So I can also pray, "God, satisfy my years with good things, and renew my youth like the eagle." And I can also sing along loudly with another FFH song, "I'm ready to fly" which is more about flying now in this life on Eagle's wings, rather than living in the trenches.
I'm ready to soar,
I'm ready to leave this world behind,
I'm ready to open up the door.
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky.
I think its time.
I'm ready to go.
I'm ready to fly.
So although I'd love for this all to be over quickly, I'm also praying, "Lord, take as long as you need to transform me into who you want me to be so that I understand the brevity of my life and then live without wasting a moment."