I hope you don't mind my transparency as I go through this grief process. I'll try not to dwell too much, but writing is my way to express the emotions that get lodged inside.
At a counseling training meeting tonight, they mentioned that grief happens at various life intersections. So if you hardly saw your brother, you might miss him more at holidays and family events, when you'd normally see him. You might also grieve for the time you didn't get to spend with him.
My greatest intersection with my grandma was on Sundays, my favorite day of the week. Worship with God, feasting on the Word, and lots of time with family all afternoon and evening. Now, the best day of the week is clouded by a mist of grief.
Will Sundays ever be fully joyful again? Will we ever sit at the dinner table and not see her empty chair? Will we ever gather in the hot tub and not remember her funny comments? Each time I'm at my parents, I'll pass her house, and I'll think of how I used to honk to say goodbye. I grieve for my parents and uncle, whose life intersections were a daily event.
I also miss her emails telling me what meat is on sale. I miss her funny Maxine forwards. I miss our phone calls. I miss talking about plants and gardening. I miss sitting outside on her porch as we look at her flowers. I'll miss painting her garden gnome for her, or adding the eyes when the paint has faded. I miss her.
When we lost our baby through a miscarriage, I grieved for the loss of what could have been. When we lost our home, I grieved the future I'd planned there. But losing GG, I grieve for her, and who she was and our life together.
And I think, "This isn't right. I HATE death!"
Death is a harsh but good reminder that this world is not our home. We are living for a heavenly kingdom, where every tear will be wiped away and grief will be no more. That's the hope I cling to. I've been listening to Laura Story's Song, Blessings.
"When darkness seems to win, We know the pain reminds this heart, That this is not, this is not our home... What if my greatest disappointments, Or the aching of this life, Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy."
God placed eternity into the hearts of men. We are looking for eternal satisfaction and friendship and love. And that is coming! It's right around the corner! My grandma has already begun to taste the fullness of all that is in store for us.
As I look ahead to my reunion with joy between my family and GG, the other side of me grieves for my dear friends who are not trusting in Jesus.
Please, just ask God to show you His truth. Seek Him. Read His Word. Get to know Jesus. You may know about John 3:16, but what about all of these other verses? Just a few among many.
We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. I Thess 4:14
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6
But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20:31
They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.” Acts 16:31
That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. Romans 3:2
But also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. Romans 4:22
Then Jesus cried out, “When a man believes in me, he does not believe in me only, but in the one who sent me. John 12:44
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. I Timothy 1:16
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. I John 3:23
Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. I John 5:5
After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the Scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken. John 2:22
Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6:29
Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; John 11:25
For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures. I Cor 15:3-4
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” John 11:40
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. John 1:1-5
“You believe at last!” Jesus answered. John 16:31