I'm at the sink this afternoon trying to get some dishes put away so I can have space to make lunch and throw some food in the crock pot for dinner when I start thinking, "I have got to make sure I get up earlier! If I would have had time in the morning with God, this day would be better." My thoughts continued, "And I've GOT to make sure this kitchen is all cleaned up before I go to bed, no matter how tired I am, or I start out behind and the rest of the day is ruined." "And I absolutely have to go to bed earlier."
Then it hit me. And I said it out loud. "That is a lie!" My peace is not dependent entirely on what I do or what the circumstances are around me. Peace in a trial is sometimes easier because it's BIG. But peace amidst the ordinary isn't earned by routines and orderliness. Of course I believe that cleanliness helps! LOL! But really, God's peace is available to me all the time, no matter where I am.
So I prayed, "God, I need your peace and joy, because I've been in a rotten mood all day."
Nathan was jumping off the couch onto a big stuffed dog shouting "Look! Look!" So rather than "mmhmm-ing" him, I turned and watched. It really was funny, the way his little body would bounce and roll. I actually let out a genuine chuckle. Rest time came, and as I laid him down he asked to read a book. We read "Moo, Baa, La La La." Watching him make all the noises brought out another genuine and not forced smile.
I'm still feeling sort of all tied up inside. But I'm smiling, because I know that God will help me unravel the cobweb of emotions that sometimes makes a nest in my soul.
Time to go upstairs, unwind, and spend some time meditating on truth.
Even things that sound good can sometimes be a lie, and we miss out on all the blessings around us.