My Daily Battle

It's time for me to get real with you.
 

I really hate housework.

I know, I know. No one likes housework. Well, some do, but that's another issue.

But my problem isn't that I don't like housework. It's that I constantly struggle being content while doing, well, housework.

I was asked again this week, "Becky, you do so much! How do you get it all done?" Photography, writing, acting, teaching... the answer is easy. I love doing anything that keeps me away from what I'm supposed to be doing! Which is, namely, housework!

Need a script edited? The dishes can wait. Lee calls and needs something put together for a bid? The laundry sits in baskets. Want the photos uploaded from our recent event together? I'll get right on it... the kitchen floor can be swept later. You posted something really funny about your toddler on facebook? Ok! I'll watch it!

I keep my house in a picked-up state that always borders on the brink of explosion. And when something massive, like VBS or a large birthday party, hits the schedule, it blows up!

It will recover, it will. We have a routine where we all divide and conquer and put everything back in its place.

But here's what I want to master: Contentment while doing dishes. Contentment while folding laundry. Contentment while straightening what I just straightened an hour ago! I want peace that lasts, not just a verse that gets me through the momentary "trial" of LEGOs all over the family room.

Last night while doing dishes, I pretended I was at a spa, and the warm water was like a relaxing soak of bubbles. It's nice having an imagination.

But tonight, instead of straightening up (again) while the kids are sleeping, I edited a script for church and blogged.

The housework will always be there. I'm working on a balance of getting stuff done (which I enjoy) and keeping a well-maintained house. But at the end, when the home is about to go "kabang!" I want to clean with a happy heart.

The same thing I expect out of my kids.

I'm praying for it! And every "cleaning day" I pray, "Lord, get me through this without yelling at my kids and biting everyone's head off." He's faithful to answer.

I just wish it weren't always a fight. Between me and my selfish disdain for the mundane.

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When I want to run away

Do you ever feel like escaping? Running away? Just yesterday I did. It wasn't for bad reasons or really terrible trials, but I found my heart constantly wanting to flee, and I had to fight to keep it in line.

While washing dishes, I had to sing to avoid complaining. While doing laundry, my daughter laughed as I repeated over and over, "I'm thankful that we have clothes."

I finally succomed at rest time and escaped into a book. This is a Christian Fiction book that many friends have raved about, but I just didn't like it. It was gruesome and harsh, and it left me feeling worse than when I started. I finished it, because that's just how I am when I read a book, and I was left empty and irritable.

After the bedtime and pick-up routines were over, I longed to run away to a resort in Cancun that I loved so much. I dreamed of just packing our bags and catching a plane that very night.

Where do you run when you want to escape? I was reminded yesterday that all of our "escapes," though not bad in and of themselves, are just temporary pleasures that cannot satisfy. An evening with friends. Reading. Movies. Vacations. Parties. They all bring temporary joy, but not joy that lasts. That only left me feeling discouraged as I plopped into bed, ending the day.

I woke up this morning with a groan, and then immediately cried out, "Oh God, I don't want to start my day this way!"

I turned in the Psalms to chapter 71, and I was encouraged with verse 1. "In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge." The Psalm goes on to praise God for all that He has done for us. That's what I needed, more than a night out with friends or a trip to Cancun. I needed my heart to be renewed in thankfulness.

When my heart was embittered

And I was pierced within,

Then I was senseless and ignorant;

I was like a beast before You.

Nethertheless I am continually with You;

You have taken hold of my right hand.

With Your Counsel You will guide me,

And afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;

You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;

I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,

That I may tell of all Your works.

Psalm 73:21-28

Here's the funny thing: All of those good things I escape to only bring joy when I am already filled up with the joy of Jesus. I don't understand it completely, but when Jesus is in the center of my thoughts, everything shines brighter.

"Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." Ps 34:5

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